ADD

ADD- Attention Deficit Disorder: when you friend interrups all conversations, steering the talk back to themselves, since they must be the center of attention at all times

I took this term from Between Boyfriends,  which originally is ADDD (attention deficit dating disorder), but I find it so similar to my present situation, so I change “date” to be “friend”, as I am going to describe this such unique characteristic I never know exists until I met this lady.

Last Thursday, we met in this nice, posh, quite bar in the city. Just me and her. It was my suggestion, because I felt a bit guilty of ignoring and rejecting her all time, while actually she genuinely wanted to see me to catch up and trade gossips. So I said yes eventually, and decided to try (again) this time. She made one confirmation 2 days prior to the event, then once in the lunchtime, once in the afternoon, and one more call at 6 PM to make sure that I was REALLY going and will arrive at 7.30PM. She reminded to position myself in a strategic spot (hence, if cute guys come we would easily spot them and get to know them). I never know that going to a bar requires so many preparation and strategies!

30 minutes and we were still in the safe zone, chatting up while her eyes kept scanning the entire bar, searching for cute guys. No cute guys so far. The bar is famous as a getaway place from 3-in-1 time, sometimes full with people who work close by, but never a trendy place for ‘cute’ guys to hang around. They are mostly serious-looking businessmen who are preoccupied with their own minds, still wearing ties and (sometimes) complete suits, because they are too busy to think about their attire and must close deal of hundred millions dollars… or so I feel when see those gloomy faces.

After a while we jumped into a more serious conversation, like: boyfriends, marriage, and children. After listening to her, (I thought) it was my time to explain my points of view. When I was about to start, a young, fresh, blonde guy walked in with a lady next to him. My friend’s attention was distracted ever since, but I kept going, until 2 seconds later, during my heated blabbering, she cut me off by saying “Nit, he’s with his mom, not with his girlfriend…”.

I paused a while, took a deep breath, and then continued again. I learned from the past that if I ignore this type of incident, I actually can say something instead of always lending my ears to her. But her face just like there was a light bulb before and it was completely switched off. So I stopped.

And she started again, talking about the same subjects she mentioned before, her feeling about ex-boyfriends, potential boyfriends, and so on. It’s like I never exist or my points are not significant, and she only wants me to hear her and nothing else.

This incident happened more than once, and by 9 o’clock I was completely annoyed with her ADD. But I’ve known her for more than 3 years, and despite my friends’ complaint about her, I know I can’t change or, so I have to accept that. Easier said than done though. The worst had yet to come…

We went home to get changed, before going to the grand opening of a new club in one hotel. Feeling annoyed, I put all my irritation to make myself pretty. I wore my best dress and had my make up on. She picked me up with another friend, and three of us were inside this new, packed, smoky, boho-style, tiny club. Inside she met tons of her friends, kept saying hello to everyone. She’s the star!

Then strange thing happened. We had to stand up because all stools were occupied. After a while I just realized that she always stood before me, facing the crowds, so I only can se her back. I’m shorter than her, so I was literally hidden behind her back. I tried to move a little so at least three of us can stand next to each other. I need my own space to drink my wine, after all. But she kept shading me away from the world, so I couldn’t see anything in front of me, because all I could see was her curly hair! I had no idea why she behaved so strangely until I realize there were many cute, young, guys standing next to me, and she didn’t shade me away, she just simply wanted to stand right next to them and the only thing she could do was standing in front of me, made me annoyed and must be moved a little and made room for her to squeeze in… When her attempt failed because those guys were busy with themselves, despite my warning that they look so fruity, she tried to get attention by acting, dancing, talking, and laughing so loud. She even threatened to get up on stage and did the pole dancing. Lucky she obliged when I told her not to….

Her ADD was so bad; I remember on my birthday night, my best friend was completely mad at her. They were all talking with a new guy, and being a normal, polite person, he asked each of them simple questions such as what they do for a living etc. My best friend mentioned that she’s writing a book about single girls in Jakarta, how to survive the dating games, how they cope in the situation and all. This new guy showed some interests and started asking questions. But his attempt was cut by the ADD girl, who said that writing a book wasn’t a subject he’s interested in, and it was such a heavy subject to talk about in a bar. She said it in front of the guy, who was completely confused because he didn’t feel what she said.

She also had lunch with me and my friend Rocky one afternoon, the day they first met. Rocky politely tried to open up a conversation, an attempt that always failed because she completely ignored him during the meal, and kept talking to me alone, about herself and her current ex-boyfriend. For people who just met and heard somebody loathe someone they don’t know was weird. Imagine Rocky spent 2 hours of awkward moment, listening to her nit-picking about how bad the ex-boyfriend was, by dating the other girl 2 days after they just broke up, and how much money he actually made and how he boasted to be a rich guy etc etc. After we finished Rocky made me swear not to put him in that situation again…. Oh by the way, they met a couple of days after that in one club, and no surprise that she didn’t remember his name (but Rocky considered himself lucky since she still remembers his face!).

I don’t know what to do with this situation. It’s like knowing that your friend has a bad breath, and you’re doomed when you tell, and you’re doomed when you don’t tell….