I always felt jealous to those ibu’s who are seen walking around the mall with their cute babies and nannies all day when I had 1.5 hour maximum for lunch. I thought, if only I had longer time to spend in the mall it would be the perfect moment for me.

When it happened, it’s not what I thought it would be. Here it is…

9.57 AM

Parked nearby entrance and found out that access to the mall’s not open until 10.00 AM sharp. Stood for 30 seconds before realizing that didn’t take pen so must go back to the car. Stopped in front of one car but then realize it’s not mine, so moved to the next car, and realize it’s not mine either! Panic and looking around. Parking guard passed by, so foolishly must admit that I forgot which one my car is. Then found out it was just 1 metre away. He grinned but must think how stupid I was. Got into the car, took the pen and walked back to the mall, where the door was open.

10.00 AM

Called 1st person to meet to find out he’s still in the office… waiting for me. Aduh! Clearly the schedule stated 10.00 AM at Plaza Senayan. Almost told him that have paid 2 jockeys this morning to be able to pass Sudirman from office so can be at the mall at 10.00AM. He apologized and said would be there asap. So got suspicious and called second person to ensure 10.45AM appointment was on. Second person said he’s on his way and so got 45 minutes to kill. Went to Coffee Bean and ordered cappuccino (3rd today, after 1 at home and 1 at office). Coffee Bean was busy with people having breakfast meetings. Sent texts to people out of boredom. Managed to upset a friend in Scotland because when sending text it was still 3.00 AM in Aberdeen. Went to Francesco Biasco to try out a red bag and was told it’s 50% discount, v.tempting, but would not look professional if turn up at meeting with shopping bag so didn’t buy.

10.45-11.30 AM

Meeting at Sogo went well. Called the third person and she said she’d try to get to the mall before 1.00 PM because she must go to one magazine’s office first. 1st guy called, finally arrived from outerspace so went to Hero to meet him.

11.30-12.30

Meeting at Hero & Guardian went well. Hungry. The guy must go back to the office so must eat alone (hate that!). And fast, because next meeting is scheduled at 1.00 PM.

12.30-1.00 PM

Went back to Sogo and had lunch at food court. Started feeling tired because all meetings were done standing up and guess the shoes weren’t comfortable. Thinking about buying mules so can change but when? Barely have time to chew let alone choose new shoes!

1.00-3.30PM

Meeting at Sogo, but 2 persons didn’t show up so met their assistants instead. No worries as long as got full access. Called up the last person to confirm the meeting.

3.30-4.30PM

Last meeting next to Sushi Tei. Feet felt hurt, probably if shoes can talk they’d cry since been wearing them, walking back and forth, around the mall, for the whole day. She said it was horribly macet outside PS and 3-in-1 had begun so no chance to go back to office since driving myself and it’d take like 2 hours anyway. Beside feeling so tired so went to Starbucks for coffee (4th for today).

4.30-5.30PM

Can’t find space in Starbucks GF so went up to 5th’s Starbucks, having caramel macchiato and reading The Perfectionist - the book is about the famous French chef who commited suicide. Interesting reading. But 2people next to my table received a guest and the discussion was so loud so instead of reading, eavesdropping (can’t help it!).

5.30-6.30 PM

Bored with coffee & book so went down at women’s section, thinking about buying something but being in the mall since 8 hours ago just killed shopping desire, beside I’m skint after spending money for upcoming’s brother’s birthday and paid ticket to Saigon for the long weekend.

6.30-9.30PM

Debora and friends arrived and after several short stops went to restaurant on the basement since one of them has a discount voucher. Food was better than expected. Thinking about going to DF or Burgundy.

9.30-10.00PM

At main lobby still deciding either DF or Burgundy or somewhere else. Finally told the girls I’m beat and beside if go to club need to change clothes with something more casual and…revealing. They promise to update where they go so can catch up, if want to.

10.00PM

Finally left Plaza Senayan. Paid 24,000 for parking.

10.30PM

Home. Boiled the kettle and had the coffee (5th and last for today).

Boring, isn’t it? And I thought it would had been fun!…

Only a day after I wrote this, I’ve got a “constructive perspective” from two important people in my life. They suggested that what I wrote here was too personal and it might hurt somebody, although that wasn’t my intention at all!

So I decided to delete the article from public.

Hopefully this isn’t too late………………………………..

I‘ve just finished an annoying conversation with an old friend. She said that she’s glad she’s getting married in the next few months, because:

• she’s old (she is only 31!)
• it’s time to settle down
• it’s time to have babies before she’s too old

If that’s the only reason she’s getting married, I’m very worried! I asked her whether she wants to have a baby, and she said she has no choice because her husband-to-be and her future mom-in-law really want someone to carry on their bloodline.

I can’t believe that the answer came from someone who’s spent her almost entire life abroad, has a Master’s degree, think Sex And The City series is her bible, smart, modern, gorgeous and stylish! If she said that she’s getting married because she loves her boyfriend and wants to spend the rest of her life with him, I’d stand up and clap my hands. But her reason is everything but that. It’s not about her. It’s about everybody else: her boyfriend, her parents, his parents, society…

Maybe because we’re girls, we’re trained to serve, to put everyone’s happiness before us. Maybe because we’re Asian, we value society so highly we’d sacrifice our identity just for the sake of it. So we try so hard to fit into the box: Women should marry, serve their husbands, and raise their kids. Anything else but that is considered a failure.

Girl, if you want it, go for it. Reach your dreams. But never say you have no choice. This is your life, it’s your body. You’re the one who determines who’d be lucky enough to spend the rest of his life with you. You’re the one who determines when you want to have babies, not your mother-in-law. You’re the one who determines that you are OLD, not society.

It’s you, it’s about you, it’s for you.

The title was taken from Ecky’s blog, but I’m not talking about her blog (you should read it yourself, it’s cool); I’m gonna try to explain what I have been feeling lately.

The rumour that I was about to move to another company started about a month ago, after I submitted my resignation letter. Since then I’ve got phone calls, especially from vendors and contractors, asking for confirmation. When it’s finally confirmed verbally, some have already congratulated me, wished me good luck with additional comment to not ‘forget’ about them, which can be translated: “please invite me if you have a tender open”….

But that’s fine, I know them when we’re doing business, our relationships are about business. So of course everything we do is inside the business frame. And that means, when they maintain a good relationship with me, they see me as a potential client, and I see them as my future preferred vendor. It’s always back to business.

But when I sent a formal letter to everyone, including my friends, letting them know that I resigned from Procon Indah, I can’t believe that I open a Pandora Box!

Vendors, contractors, and business partners, since they’re the first ones to hear the rumour and got confirmed verbally, weren’t shocked. So most of them replied my email with standard ‘good luck, wish you success in the new workplace’ etc.etc. Some are being nice, inviting me to meet up sometimes, have wine and everything. Just being nice business partners.

But so-called friends, sent replies, usually contains two main points:

1) congratulations on your new jobs, and

2) any vacant position in your company for my wife/boyfriend/cousin/myself?

Some even went further by putting more details about their qualification and their expected position (and when they sent the emails, I hadn’t even started yet!).

I mean what’s up with that? I think the second point destroys the meaning of first point entirely. It makes me feel that they’re not sincere saying it, that the first one is only “basa-basi” and they didn’t really care about me at all and only think about themselves. I know that today is very difficult to find a good job and we have to maximize our network, utilize whatever we have got to achieve our goals, but can’t they wait for me to reply their emails, saying thank you for their ‘wish you good luck in your new workplace’ first, then send a second email trying to find out whether there’s an opening for them?

It makes me wonder whether they see me as a friend or ‘a friend’? Would they still be my friends if I’m jobless, powerless, or loose my other attributes?

Or maybe, I was wrong all along. Maybe they never thought that I was a friend!