I‘ve got to say that it has been a busy week for me. I had a promising lunch meeting to discuss the future of Indonesian Expatriates Forum last Friday at Cazbar. Tamara and Greg turned up after 5 and we had few drinks before decided to try our luck at Loewy.
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Why is it difficult for some people to admit they are wrong, let alone apologise, even though they know they are wrong, or proven wrong?

In my attempt of trying to understand this particular person who has caused a major headache for the past two days, because I couldn’t put myself in her shoes, I went around in the virtual world trying to find some answers. And I guess I did.
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I once tagged about this by Fida, asking what age I wish to get back to, and I have briefly mentioned about it in this post because at that moment people from the past suddenly reappeared in my life at the same time, a long overdue project was back in full speed, and of course, Indy was back after 19 years hiatus.
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About four years a go, Stuart and Huib celebrated their joined birthday by throwing a BBQ party at Bugil’s bar. I think it was either Saturday or Sunday afternoon, and there were about 50 people turned up to stuff their faces with sausages, burgers and beers. Most of them were people we hung out with, the usual suspects. Some I didn’t recognise, and I guessed they were either party crashers or Huib’s friends.

By late afternoon, it became too hot and people gradually moved inside to get some cool air from the bar, and before long the bar was packed with people buying beers and other cold drinks. I stayed outside for most of the time, close to the food supply. Sometime before dark I went inside to go to the loo. It was absolutely crowded, and I had to push myself in between people just to pass. On that moment, I felt that someone had pinched my bum. I stopped, looked around, but there was no indication who did it. I really had to pee so I continued my journey.

After I finished, I had to pass the same crowd just to get outside. In between my attempt of pushing myself out, suddenly I heard someone whispering in my ear, “Nice bum.”
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Note: I realize that some of my readers, especially my aunt-in-law Alison and her colleague(s), as well as several other friends who read my blog every time I post something new, would be surprised to read the title and wonder what this is all about. But please continue, you would find out the reason behind it. Or not.

Inspired by Rima and Therry’s posts about how some people just click and become so close after only several months, as well as being insanely jealous because they don’t include me in their (lesbian) combo, and seeing that their posts drove more traffic to their blogs respectively (hence, more jealousy), I decide that rather than begging (waiting for) them to love me, in the spirit of virtual competition, I have to brag that I actually have that sort of relationship they’re having now.
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Bigger is better. More glamorous is better. More people to attend is better. Longer train, heavier make-up, and higher hair, are better. The more expensive is better. The more famous people, from caterer, hairstylist, until the list of guests, are definitely better. Anything that screams ‘I’m rich, I’m fabulous‘, is typical Indonesian wedding. Even though the bride might look like Krisdayanti rather than herself on her wedding day.
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This particular woman drove me mad almost two years ago. Her twisted mind and even more twisted words were really upsetting, and I had to remind myself that she is married to someone I care about, to calm myself down.

That argument is never settled. I kept insisting that she was involved in a matter that was totally unrelated to her and she didn’t show a respect to me and my family. I told her to mind her own business and stop messing with people’s life, especially those whom she doesn’t know. She doesn’t even have my mobile number for God’s sake, she hadn’t seen me for years before this issue came up, so how could she think she could preach me about things she didn’t even understand? But when her replies came, they became more bizarre every time. She is not a type of person who has structured braincells and since I was too busy even to get some descent sleep, after replying 3 or 5 crazy text messages I decided to quit arguing. It was useless. I didn’t have time and energy, and I didn’t want to jump into her labyrinth of mind, where I couldn’t decipher where the reality ended and where the fantasy began.

But as far as I concern, my case with her was with her and to her only. What I didn’t expect was that the other two couldn’t see it as clearly as I did.

We were close back then, especially the first months when I was just back from Sydney and started working in Jakarta. The first one taught me how to ride a city bus and ojek, and I brought her a bottle of her favorite perfume when I landed. I sometimes took them for a meal (always settled the bills, something they never returned and thought it was normal and my ‘duty’). The second one begged me to help her when she was about to finish her study and needed a place for internship. I asked my boss and because it was me asking, he said yes, and she became an intern for several months. She got her first job through my colleague, and for a while I was proud of her.

But we have grown apart, which I think is normal. I am older then them, we lived miles apart, we circulated in totally different crowds and totally different social circles, so we hardly bumped into another. Everybody has their own life, so when we lost touch, I didn’t particularly pay attention to it. I have tried, but it was difficult since it was always a one-sided attempt. Since my last job sent me all over Asia, I didn’t have much spare time; and because they didn’t try to keep in touch either, they’re easy to be slipped out of my mind. Last contact was made when I was already in Scotland, when the first buzzed me through Yahoo! messenger and told me she was expecting a baby. I congratulated her, felt really happy for her because she told me beforehand that she really wanted to have one. Then a strange thing happened a while later. She wrote about her pregnancy experience in our communal blog, and I commented there, where I also told her that I just experienced a miscarriage, so I hoped she took a good care of herself and the baby. She never replied my comment, and although I wondered why (and kinda hoped she showed some attention), I decided that it wasn’t a big deal. Her posting strangely was her first and last.

There were other several small things which annoyed me, even before the argument arose (like when one of them left a comment on my Friendster blog and preached about how to be better - which was odd considering (without bragging) that I am much more than her in every aspect, and her comment was so annoying I decided to delete it), but I have managed to ignored them so far. Now I start wondering whether they decide not to like me anymore because I had an outdated argument with their family member, or because the whole family issue between her and the rest of everybody. It annoys me more because whatever issue I had with her, was between us. The other two were not involved. I never expected smart ladies like them let themselves dragged into this stupid issue. I never expected brilliant women like them cannot separate themselves apart and logically tell her that this is not their business. My patience is thinning fast.

The last issue really pissed me off, because I did it with a good intention, that no matter what they’re still my family, that I show my respect to them. I tried to show that my issue with her doesn’t bother my relationship with the rest of them. Alas, I found out that one of them made a fuss over nothing, that she didn’t look at beyond my good intention, that she didn’t realize how busy I am (she didn’t even care to say hi, let alone offers a help. Come to think about it, I don’t think she knows whether I’m in Scotland or Indonesia, that’s how attentive she is), that she only looked at herself. So I decided that this is the time to end it.

I wish I could be wiser and more patience. But life is complicated and I have other more important things and people to think about.

The book is closed. Enough.