Thinking About Dating A British?
Life & Style, UK — By Finally Woken on October 21, 2008 9:47 amJUST as some women date only prison inmates, so there are those who yearn above all for Englishmen, with their exotic customs and their reputation for making even banal remarks sound like brilliant repartee. For example my friend D* who has dated men from all over the world and now focuses on finding a Mr. Brit. So far she is quite persistent and consistent, although not always successful. She despises Australian after a bad break-up with her last proper boyfriend and swears off Ozzy dudes forever. She doesn’t like American because they’re too forward. British men, she says, are gentle and caring and honest. But rather than some random dates, she hasn’t had secured any Brits yet. I guess maybe, despite her own pushy characters, in between Mr. Darcy with his sexy accents and Hugh Grant with his killer smile, there are other qualities in British men that, probably after spending a couple months with him, would not be amusing anymore.
The British are renowned for their stiff upper lip: politeness, failure to speak out, and not demonstrating their feelings. Reluctance to display emotion in the face of extreme misfortune or extreme good fortune is the first key element of British cool (or coldness). To some, this quality could be more than just an annoying charm.
The tabloid The Sun was the first one reported that Madonna and Guy Ritchie’s marriage are doomed. The newspaper claimed that the marriage began sliding towards divorce after her hubby’s unsympathetic reaction when she tumbled from a horse. Apparently, when she has been through a traumatic, possibly life-threatening experience as she broke four ribs, her collar bone, scapula and her left knuckle in the accident, Guy’s reaction wasn’t something she expected. Instead of lavishing her with love and attention, Guy approached the whole thing in what she now calls, ‘A very British way’.
When it comes to relationships, even the website UKStudentLife.Com warns their readers that “British men (and women) do not always talk openly about their emotions, especially when they do not know you well already” and “some men prefer not to kiss or hold hands in public, because they think it is more polite to show affection only in private”. Although I believe Madonna realises this since she has successfully adopted English accent and English husband, but as the Italian’s blood runs through her veins, she definitely couldn’t stand it after seven and half years.
Now Madonna blames her man’s “no-nonsense” approach to their marriage on his British public school upbringing. She says he was “typical of emotionally-stunted British men” and refuses to ever date another Brit. The pal said: “Madonna’s convinced British men are light years behind Americans when it comes to emotional honesty and sophistication.”
It might be true. A friend recently went out with an American and she told me how sweet the guy was, and when I asked her what she meant by “sweet”, she said he wooed her by talking sweet nothing in her ear. I, on the other hand, after adopting British (sorry, Scottish) man, almost couldn’t stop myself for saying “that’s rubbish” to her. I might have never been a girl who believes in extravaganza emotional show or probably have been brainwashed by the aloof and distant manner charm of Pride and Prejudice’s Mr. Darcy and Bridget Jones’s Mark Darcy.
The New York Times, in attempt to understand British charm finally cited that deep down, English men — for all their suavity and charm — really don’t like women. ”There’s a nervousness about being with women,” said Cindy Blake, an American novelist living in London who has had two English husbands. ”There’s a feeling men have that women are going to ruin their fun and their lives and chain them indoors, and make them do things they don’t want to do, and not let them do things they do want to do. The idea of being alone with a woman is too scary because then they might have to deal — or to talk about themselves,” she continued.
Leah McLaren, a Canadian who was posted in London, was so fed up with British men she wrote on her column about British men that set off a small international incident:
- Many went to boarding school at an early age, thus forfeiting essential affection from their mothers, leaving them all but incapable of intimacy with women.
- Many drink too much, leaving them all but incapable of intimacy with women.
- They are repressed homosexuals.
- They simply don’t like women.
The New york Times also quoted actress Heather Graham, who accused British men of spending too much time in the pub. Well it might be true, because The Punchbowl Pub was at the root of a lot of Madonna and Guy Ritchie’s rows. Madonna was furious about the amount of time Guy would spend there with his London mates. She hated him eating pies and chips there instead of coming home to her micro-biotic diet of steamed fish and pulses (I could understand her first reason, but expecting him to eat steamed fish everyday? Come on).
But if you are still longing for Mr. Darcy, the website eHow.com gives a guide (although very vague) on what you should do, although it seems like the guide is intended for American girls who think London is an exotic place:
- Love the good manners and polite behavior of British gentlemen. Don’t assume they want you to act completely the same way. British men are used to very uptight British women and love the wildness of American girls.
- Expect to be called “duckie,” “sweetie,” “dear” and other nicknames that might be offensive to you if an American man called you these same names. These are normal and accepted signs of affection from a British date.
- Look forward to seeing the wild side of your British date once you visit his apartment to “see his etchings.” British men are reserved in public but love affection and romance in private.
- Appreciate the fact that British men are loyal. They do enjoy flirting and looking at other women, but even if they stray, it’s not because they don’t care for you. British men want relationships to last, especially with American women, whom they feel are sexy and more fun to be with than British women.
And here’s I have found so far which might be helpful for you:
- British people have different sense of humour which might mystify other nations, but the men are very into toilet and dirty jokes. I guess because the whole nation is so repressed, the only outlet is only through jokes. You don’t need to pretend that you understand that because believe me, you won’t.
- Even though he likes you or has become your soul mate for years, expect him to stand at arm’s length, literally, away from you, hardly touch you, in social gatherings. It’s his way to respect your personal space. And his.
- Understand that even though they won’t get emotional over anything, they will cry over football match. Don’t make joke about that, because they won’t see the funny side of it. Football is more important than life and death.
- I can’t help with Ms. McLaren’s claim that many are repressed homosexuals (is it because so many men wearing pink shirt in London?). All I can say is I have seen my husband with his ‘boyfriends’ and despite the amount of time they spend together doing playstation/Xbox/Wii competition, playing cards, golfing and going away for weekend, it looks harmless. They need to get together to drink and talk bollocks, just like us girls need our girlie time to talk about things that boys won’t understand.
Maybe D* should realises that dating a British man requires a different tactic: if she can laugh at his joke, appreciate his Yorkshire pudding, go dutch, be ok for receiving text messages asking for a snog, she’ll be fine. I will get back to you when she’s successful!
Tags: Culture, Dating & Marriage, Men Are From Mars, UK
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35 Comments
reading about this making me chuckle a bit. In a way, Danish men are not that different with British men. It’s widely known that Danish women have to approach the men first whenever they’re flirting with each other in a bar. The men here would hardly dare to make the first move. They’re not good with showing their feelings too
….and I actually have several Madonna-Guy Ritchie’s fighting events due to his inability to show how much he cares for me (I know he does, but he just doesn’t show it) when I have horrible stomachache, headache, you name it….LOL
….and for the homosexual thingie, It’s so true. LMAO
the writers last blog post..That angioma
Obviously and essentially British men seem to be performing fine. Otherwise I can’t explain why an English cabinet ministerthe other day declared there has to be put a cap on the number of British nationals ( should not exceed 70 million, he told the press).
colsons last blog post..Singstar – bol.com
TheWriter: I guess men are the same, generally, everywhere. Their love towards their mates are so deep, they’d die for them
Colson: doesn’t mean they’re good in bed, baby!
I have to agree with the repressed homosexuals, somehow I find Brit men are abit “kemayu” hehehe
eckys last blog post..English American & English British/Australian
I have to wonder – if they aren’t forward, how do you know they like you?
Christines last blog post..Republican Votes Obama
boy, aren’t I glad I didn’t end up with a Brit! If a man won’t hold my hand in public or refuse to show any PDA at all, there’s something majorly wrong with him. That is, he’s JUST NOT THAT INTO ME. Now imagine having to live my life thinking about that all the time. He’s just not that into me. He’s just not that into me. I’d rather find someone who is into me!
I’ve dated americans, brits, french, dutch, ozzy, and germans and to my exp, german men are the best. And when I say best, I mean BEST (in all aspects).
but that’s just my exp. everybody’s exp are different, i’m sure.
Of course, seeing as I am married to and Indonesian, Indonesians are the BESTEST, but germans come as a close second.
I personally do not enjoy dating native english speakers as I have found them to be a bit condescending. They assume that just because English is not my mother tongue, I wouldn’t understand when they make fun of asians, for example, even subtly. Oh, but I do.
Of course there are good brits/americans out there, I was just unfortunate not to have met them. But from all the germans I’ve been with, I find them to be charming, polite, they know how to treat a woman, very very gentle, unselfish lovers and best of all, they respect me even when I don’t speak german.
rima fauzis last blog post..The one where I talked about boobs
I guess you’re country ranking is related to your ex-boyfriend ranking, it doesn’t mean german men are better than english or else !
Very interesting, Nit. The ‘stiff upper lip’ trait sounds like Indonesian people, both our men and women, LOL. I think this type of guidance is useful when someone wants to start a relationship. Beyond, the personality of the people involved will play a bigger role, irrespective to their nationalities.
santi ds last blog post..8th Wedding Anniversary
I only had one experience dating a Brit so it is a bit difficult to comment, but I have lots of British male friends and I work for a British company now so I am surrounded by Brits. Fun Brits. My experience with the Brit was good and fun, lots of clubbing and drinking, that’s about it. From my experience, I find Italians are great: they cook, they are romantic, they are hot, and Indonesians are so far what I lean towards these days. Not Jakartans, but those from other islands. Mysterious and sexy. If you ask me if I would want to date a Brit, with the description above, I don’t think I’ll go for it though…but I never say never..!
parvitas last blog post..Death Penalty: Which one is the best?
Ecky: you mean those hooligans are fruity?
Christine: if they stumble upon things in front of you, if they become mute or stutter, there’s a big possibility they like you. I know, it’s hard to interpret.
Therry: They might be into you. But ‘in a very British way’.
Rima: ehm, I’ve got several half-German half-Indonesian cousins. So they are better than your BESTEST!
Santi: I totally agree. It’s just funny to see the way Madonna handling her marital problem and still finds it difficult to deal with Guy Ritchie’s “Britishness” even after 7 1/2 years.
Parvita: yep, British are all about pub culture. I won’t judge men by their nationality though, sometimes you see the way they behave and you can point out ‘ah, that’s because you’re British’, but most of the time, follow your instinct
LOL I can’t wait to show this blog post to my English hubby!
Mrs Top Monkeys last blog post..The Mummy Brains Syndrome
I experienced dating a british guy. He was polite with my parents and me at first. But he thinks he’s always right. He’s also super jealous up to the point of getting all my passwords for my email address and deleting my male contacts on my phone. I was lured to go there in UK and he got me pregnant. When I told him about the pregnancy, he went cold to icy. He just doesn’t care and wants me to have a termination. I think most british men just like to shag and use women. When we walk on the streets and stop by a grocery shop, he’s at arm’s length away. It feels like he’s ashamed of me. He told me he loves me and has th best of intentions but his actions doesn’t prove so. He just have a blank face even if I tell him that I’m so sick and doesn’t bring me to the doctor. They are so repressed with their emotions. They don’t like to show any emotions even if it’s tearing them apart inside and hide it with anger or being upset.
I’m sorry to hear about that
my english boy-friend said, i won’t marry and it was knock me down to the lowest floor of my emotion. I hope your relationship with your english man getting better.
I’m an American and my boyfriend is English. He’s more affectionate than I am, and I consider myself to be a pretty affectionate person. Kissing in public is perfectly fine as long as no one is looking and we hold hands all the time. We do live in the USA, though. Maybe the British are more conscious in the UK. Or maybe a bunch of girls are attracted to that type of British guys that are more distant when they first get together. I will say he doesn’t show when he’s upset though, but that’s kind of a guy thing in general.
Cool, I got $77 from http://www.cashlot.co.uk/?5582.
Im an English woman, and i don’t think this post in entirely true, i’ve lived in england all my life so had my fair share of boyfriends here. Firstly i’ve never had one that hasn’t wanted to hold hands in public, the whole kissing in public generally thats a british thing both males and females don’t tend to do it i think we get embarrassed about it, not saying that it does not happen a little peck on the lips is harmless in public. When it comes to dating me and my ex who was my only long term partner went on dates every weekend, he would buy me diamonds cook me meals….British men love to cook! and he’s only a plumber
they dote on their women when they really love them. British men bad points they are very very fussy, everything has to be done their way i would say quite controlling, or old fashioned 
British men also use women for sex but only as much as most countries,but they usually make it pretty clear from the start thats all they want…Women tend to be the “players” more so! My boyfriend now is Danish very sweet but not really much different form the mass of englishmen i have dated. Your average British man will expect sex at the end of a first date, english women are always happy to oblige to this too. Brits in general do not show emotion we let in bubble up and bubble up and let it all out it one big rage then we get over it till next time 
Katy: yes, it’s generalisation, I know. People are different and we can’t just put them in the same box just based on where they come from.
Reading this shed a lot of light on the current relationship I am with a British man here with the RAF. While it started off as any relationship would (Canadian), I have seen a lot of his British character come out within the last few weeks and thought that I was doing something wrong. It is not that he is pulling away or being less affectionate with me (though the hot sparks have diminished), it is just him settling in with a Canadian woman. Affection in public has lessoned (though hand holding and kisses are still acceptable in public places, this behaviour does not occur when we are with his mates), the need to see each other every night has cooled a bit, and his need for his space and time with the boys has increased.
I agree with Katy on the whole cooking and doting bit though, as when we are at home, he ensures that I am always comfortable, cooks me dinner. Even after 2 weeks of dating when I fell very ill he was very attentive and went out to the pharmacy for remedies and has even gone out and done what most “American” men will no – got me feminine hygeine products!! The bad points are as Katy started though, as I do find he is very OCD and is very particular about ways things should be done (and to be honest, after accepting this, I find it quite endearing!)
Still, I do find of all my relationship in the past, this is the most healthy as he is very upfront with me and has been since the get go. I have never been able to be so open with someone, and I find in general he is very non-judgemental. Sometimes it does get tricky as he is with the RAF (and if a woman has ever dated a man who is Military she will know what I mean – it is a different way of life) but being with him has been the best experience of my life!
I would never ever date and English Man. They are so unsexy.
They have no passion, they don’t know how to treat a lady like a lady. They are all so into being cool, quirky, intellectual, and sarcastic / condescending. And also, they are not actually that open to dating too many different ethnicities. I dont know why they are like this… but they are just so pathetic with talking about emotions, they have no zest for life.. although they say they do. They are also incredibly geeky or the total opposite of geeky without any charisma at all. And lastly ..they lack style, grace, and they are generally not very good looking. The few good looking ones, think they are gods gift to earth and thats even more vile!
By the way , i am British and I’m just saying , Englishmen … stay well clear !
Muchuhu: the stereotyping is spot on, LOL. But I’m sure not ALL English are like that. Those who are married to my friends seem ‘normal’ enough
lol, this made me laugh, i dont even kno why im on here, but it grabbed my attention, how come woman (especailly the americans) have all this info on british men, ie keep u at arms length, so no offection in public, repressed ect, yeah fair enough, the feelings thing me be true, but as far as i have seen, we are loud, rude, publicly careing to woman, and love a good argument. Oh, and snap out of it for christ sack, the huge grant accent thing, in England, realisticly, 10% of us speak like that. its considered poncey. (up ur own ass). if u wanna kno what brits are really like stop reading this and email me.
or add me on fb. andy despises rudboys roche.
The over generalizations, sexist anti-male remarks and entitlement attitude I have observed on this page is most profound. I am sorry that men do not have the right to be themselves. Muchless reduced to be a plaything of women. If you seek perfection in a man then you shall never find it. if you seek to place All men in a box and define them by all by traits written up by some woman who most likely doesn’t even have a man. Then you are a fool and shall forever fail to find the so called ‘Mister right’ that you seek. The degredation of men is a reflection of your own heart. Someone who is just and kind does not feel a false sense of confidence or empowerment based on notions of superiority. Proper Men can see this very well in a woman and will not engage her if he sense such attitudes. “British Men” are this and that. A Man is a Man. It’s his dedication and commitment to doing the right thing that define him as a Man. Not $$, charm or telling you want you want to hear. A man is not a Dog that follows you around and never disagrees. I fail to see the humour in any of the comments posted on this page. From a Man’s point of view there is nothing funny about any of this.
Well said you. Bravo!
Wow. Really now? I’m British, from the north of England, and have dated English men. None of them have ticked any of the boxes in this post- besides the pub one, we brit’s (men and women) do love seshing. I haven’t dated any Welsh or scot’s, so can’t really speak for them, but the English men I have dated have been very loving, funny and laid back. It could differ from part’s of the country, as us northern lad’s and lasses do thing’s slightly different to (example) Londoners, though, they’re pretty sound too =P
And like Andy said, hardly any of us speak how the majority of American’s imagine us too- especially us Geordies, you’d most likely be beaten up if you spoke like that in Newcastle. Though, I do agree with the ‘stiff upper lip’ part. We don’t like to moan (unless it’s about the weather) and are told to suck it up, we don’t like to dramatize things and make them ‘touching’. Call it cold, but we call it reality, nobody like’s a fairy. And I can assure you, British men are not gay, nor do they shrub women. If anything they’re honest when it comes to dating, if they’re simply in it for a bang, they’ll say so, and they usually have the decency to make you a cup of tea in the morning. British men are pretty practical and easy going, no fuss, down-to-earth and enjoy a pint with a good craic, and at the end of the day, they’re still people. People come in all different shapes and sizes with different personalities. That is all.
Its no surprise some English blokes are seen as repressed homosexuals as theres some real ‘doormats’ out there. Maybe its the feminisation of our schools during the 80s and the fact boys were ignored somewhat thats resulted in a lot of English blokes under 45 being a bit gutless? Some of us had parents who managed to turn us from boys into proper blokes who care for their girl and understand 90% of women in the world appreciate a manly man whos also got a heart.
I thought British men were just seen as ‘walking passports’ for women from certain parts of the World anyway!
Walking passports indeed! Keep britain BRITISH!
Quite depressing views and sweeping generalisations going on here. As a British man, this stuff sounds bizzare. In fact, it sounds like any other man spun out of context. An Englishmen enjoys his friends company just as much as a woman enjoys her girlfriends company, but we’re suddenly called “repressed homosexuals” for this? Ridiculous. We go to the pub for a drink…yeah? and? like every other man in the world goes to a bar. People speak about British Men as if we’re still living in the late 19th century, surrounded by weird social customs and terrrified of public displays of affection. Such utter rubbish. I’ve travelled everywhere and met so many American’s. People seem to think that American men say what they feel. In my experience, they say things that sound pleasing – cliched platitudes that we don’t say because it’s corny and not heartfelt.
I’m from the Philippines and now dating a British man. It hard to understand where “we” are now… I was so used to men back in my country that are so sweet and would woo you with affection but he’s really different. Not that I don’t like him, I’m actually considering being with him but I don’t know if it’s the same with him though. I don’t really care if he likes to go out with his mates a lot or becomes very busy at work that he can’t even send a good morning message but that’s him and don’t intend to demand change. I just want him to tell me if wants to be with me or not. So I can move on with him or depressingly without him.
Youre right, I’ve been about 2 years since I know this guy we used to be friend and know he got to be my closest friend, not in a relationship yet. But true, you will get english man to like you if you love his joke, if he thinks you react good and understand (even a bit) at least try to understand and react to it, make fun of him. If he had fun with you, l’m sure you’ll get his heart. Good luck
I only know one english man so i wont its the streotype of all english men. All i get it theyre pretty honest and say directly what he wants. If he only want to have fun with you he will saying clearly. Such as, i love you or even i just love you for sex since the begining.
I have to agree with a lot of things said in the article! I dated a Brit for more than 6 years, and yes they can be very passionate – about cars (or any sort of motorized vehicles), crazy injury-prone sports such as mountain biking, but never about women, sex or even life itself. Repressed emotions prevents them from enjoying pleasures in life of any kind – food, sex, dating. Sad really, glad I lived long enough in France to restore that british perception that life is all about struggle and self-control (brits truly believe that without struggle there cannot be pleasure). Now I know why British so much dislike French – cause they can never let go, enjoy themselves and what they have, and simply be happy. Sad, as they do have a lot of potential.
Seems to be an awful lot of stereotyping here! Some of us actually do like women… true, those who do are usually not interested in football… boozing with the lads etc, etc.
I was fortunate to have my informative years shaped by the guidance of my mother and her six sisters… all strong country women.
They taught me how to interact with women; the respect, treating them as equals, etc.
The really acceptable British men tend to come from the West country… and our soft accent definitely gives us an edge over the harder city varieties.
As a rule; what we say we mean… the smart-ass chat-up lines might work with some, but are generally demeaning and selfish.
Actually, some of us are really nice people!
David, I know. I am married to one
I’ve always thought that British men and American women make for a well balanced combination. Yes, I sound like I’m stereotyping but I do believe that we Brit men enjoy the company of someone who’s a bit more bubbly, bouncy and less sexually repressed than your average English girl. I’ve dated a few Americans and I must say they make more effort in general to please in all areas. Maybe its because of demanding and superficial American men that they are this way inclined.