A friend called during work and made me listening to her grief: she feels ugly! She thinks she’s not attractive, hence, no guys are interested in her. This evidently was supported by a proof that she’s been single for a couple of years.
Of course I said she’s wrong; she’s pretty, smart, and independent. She has all quality that men look for.
“Then why I’m still single? Why I don’t have a boyfriend?” she continued moaning.
I had spent almost an hour to explain that maybe: 1) she enjoys her life right now and is not really looking, and 2) because she’s not really looking she’s sending that signal to all guys.
She said that maybe I was right. But a second later she said that she did want to have a boyfriend. “Would be nice to have someone you share your life with,” she sighed.
Well, of course. But if you work 18 hours a day then choose to party with your girlfriend, there’s no more room for a boyfriend, is there?
Well, she shrugged, that can be changed. Once I find someone special, of course I’d spend time with him.
Apparently she still thought that I was kinda right. Maybe she’s not sending that signal out, loud and clear, that she ‘s looking. So, another day we continued the session, where she wanted to be taught how to flirt. She wants to find a man (that’s her new year resolution!) and she wants me to teach her how. So I told her all the basic techniques I know, complete with the comparisons and examples. Lately she told me that the technique works, at least when she’s hanging out at some place with her friends, guys pay attention to her. She hasn’t met her future husband yet, but hopefully if she continues practicing the lesson, she’d find a date.
One step at a time.
Then on one night, at 11pm an SMS went to my mobile. It’s from another friend, crying that she might have just broken up with her boyfriend, and the wedding might be off. They had a big fight about something silly the night before, which resulted in him packing his bag and leaving in the middle of the night. The next day I got a very long email from her boyfriend, saying the same thing. He’s obviously very upset, and wondering if I could help him. He felt lost, he didn’t know what to do. He’s afraid that wedding might be off, and he didn’t want that, but he’s still very mad at his girlfriend.
Talking about being in an awkward position!
I replied to him, secretly sent the copy to her, called her, and basically told her if she loves him she’d have to fight for him. You know, the normal stuff, that every couple fights, and they need to learn how to fight healthy, don’t throw the word breakup easily on the table if they don’t really mean it, et cetera.
I spent some time with the boyfriend the next day. He grunted, growled, and sheepishly admitted that I was right. He still loves her. And he’s realised that they’ve spent so much time fighting over petty things. Both of them are hotheaded, so no wonder a little argument can turn into a full-blown world war three.
I sat down with my girlfriend the next day, over coffee and cake. She also admitted the same thing, but wondered if she’s doing the right thing. She’s tired of fighting, of breakup and makeup routine, and asked herself if she could cope with this drama.
I listened, I tried to tell her what I think the best for her.
After a couple of more ‘therapy sessions’, soon I heard they are back together. And yes, the wedding’s back on the table!
I’m happy that I can be there for my friends. That I can help them when they need it. But I also realised I’m not an expert, I don’t have a psychology background and all my advice sources are either from my rather limited experience or books and magazine. I’m never sure if I give them the right advice, but when someone asks you for an advice, you try your best, right?
And every time this happens, I wonder if there’s a place which can help us women going through relationship crisis. Not just the agony aunts in the newspaper, but those you can meet face-to-face and cry on their shoulders.
All of this made me think that actually we DO need a boyfriend crisis centre.
Think about it, we’ve got marriage crisis centre, drug rehab centre, AA, and so on. Why not Boyfriend Crisis Centre?
We have it on every woman’s magazine, why not in real life? I imagine a pinky wall-to-wall office with large fresh roses on the reception, cute hunks with husky voice as receptionists who would treat the “patients” nicely. A “Men from Mars and Women from Venus” and other self-help books are on the magazine racks. A fresh-from-the-oven low carb stroopwafels from Aaltje Bakery, homemade chocolate and a glass of organic juice on the table. A huge powder room with wall-size mirror so the patients can continue their gossip after therapy session. A fortune teller booth so they can gain their self-confidence back. And of course, the therapists. They have to be men and women, because we need to hear from both sides.
I need an investor. I believe this would work!