Open Up and Say…..Aah!!

No, it’s not an album from Poison, but it’s literally the “O” moment (in Indonesian, when somebody gets confused then finally understands, s/he would say “Oooo”), or “Aah” moment.

Up to date, I never understand why some men choose to be with girls who are totally opposite from them. Not physically, I’m not a discriminative, racist person, but more in a quality kind of way.

Let’s admit that Jakarta is a crazy, strange, city. This is the city where gambling is banned but prostitution is open everywhere. This is the city where raid is conducted at bars and clubs which sell alcohol, while you could buy illegal drugs off of the street stall and having affair is permissible (all are reported in Jakarta Undercover book by Moammar Emka). Also, this is the city where we could see a sleazy old Caucasian guy holding hands with Indonesian girl who’s young enough to be his grand daughter (I actually had a friend whose friend – 80 years old – was dating 25 years old girl who was still in uni. Seriously!!).

So is it because Jakarta strange, weird, crazy enough, those Caucasians then date girls who are strange, weird and crazy?

We have a friend who’s been dating this girl, whom he met in a bar. It’s not a sleazy bar in Kota, but it’s not a bar free of KFC either (KFC = chicken or prostitute!). Luckily enough she dresses quite normal and decent, however, she barely can speak English (and the guy couldn’t speak Indonesian at all either). Up until this time, none of us really know what she does (or did) for a living, because after dating for a few months, she’s moved to the boyfriend’s house and is acting as the first lady and is not working, and when asked, she always gives different answer in different times (insurance agent, property broker, etc.). Actually she once advised my friend to start dating a bule (Caucasian) guy because “He’ll pay for everything, and you get to see Bali”. My friend was polite enough just to nod but she couldn’t wait to tell us in no time.

Let’s set aside her past, she is taking care of our friend and the house nicely, she’s not cheating around, she’s polite and proper, but how they communicate to each other, we can never guess. I mean, the guy, a finance director for a multinational company, must come home after work to find…. a mute girlfriend who’s able to serve dinner but can’t listen to his story for the day. Well, maybe they don’t need to talk at all. Maybe they talk in ‘body’ language. I happened to visit them in their house for a couple of time, and each time they never said anything to each other. She’s busy serving us with snacks and drinks, and talking to her Indonesian friends (who barely can speak English either but are very flirty to all guys), and he’s busy being a host, talking to everyone else.

At that particular party on Saturday night, I met another finance director for a large consumer goods company. This French guy, arrived after 9.00 PM, joined us for the late BBQ, where he asked my friend’s girlfriend to leave some steak for his girlfriend because she just finished working and would catch us up soon. Being an nonjudgmental person (haha) I thought she must be working very hard on Saturday (because we finished dinner almost midnight and she hadn’t turned up), so I guess she must be a 1)policewoman, 2)hotel staff, 3)waitress, 4)singer/dancer/movie actress, 5) another finance director who’s busy filing a report to regional office (doubt it, even those two finance directors were having BBQ!). When she arrived, she’s not wearing uniform of police squad, or black suits hotel staffs usually wear. So it’s either number 3, 4, or 5. Like my friend’s girlfriend, she barely said anything (maybe too hungry), while the guy was busy talking to everyone else. I actually once asked her “Could you pass the wine, please?” and she just stared at me blankly, and worse, the other girl (the hostess’s friend) who was sitting next to me did the same, so I must stood up and took the bottle myself. Which part of my question they didn’t understand, I have no idea.

My friend who is a real property broker always tells me a story about the guy who is looking for a house to reside, and bringing the girl with him. There was this guy who’d been in Indonesia for two weeks and was looking at houses with a girl, and this girl, confident enough, told my friend that they are looking for a house with many bedrooms because she wants to have 4 kids. Another time the girl complained a lot about the house conditions and told my friend rudely that she wants a ‘modern-minimalist house’, and ‘if you couldn’t show me those kind of houses, why would we waste our time talking to you?’ until my friend harshly told her that with his budget, this is the kind of house he could afford and she should ask him if he would spend USD 5,000 per month rather than 1,500…. she stopped complaining afterward, but my friend suspected it’s more because she couldn’t work out how much USD 5,000 in Indonesian Rupiahs.

Then there’s a story of my friend’s boss. At a very young age, he suddenly died. Divorced with two children who are living in Australia, in Indonesia he’d been living with a girl who is an ex.chicken. He was stupid enough to buy an apartment under her name, but in his will he said that he gave the apartment to his kids. Of course now she refuses to leave the apartment, because legally, that’s her. While the company still continues to pay the operation cost, the maid informed his secretary that the house is used for parties every single night, and is fulled with… well, women. What did this guy think at the first place?? He’s smart enough to be a CEO, but dumb enough to pick up a girl like that. PS: rumor said she’s seeing two other guys as well while was living with him.

With those above stories I have seen and heard almost everyday, I couldn’t help but wonder, if guys go back to their home countries, bringing girlfriends who are slutty enough to be able to pull a slutty dress off in a broad daylight, smart enough only to nod or smile or say thank you, young enough to be their daughters or worse, grand daughter, or simply has no manner, wouldn’t their family and friends say “Are you nuts?”

People say opposites attract. I say if it’s only physical, I still can understand. But I believe that a couple should be partners and free individual at the same time. At least a couple should be able to understand their partner’s thoughts, dreams, hopes, fears, goals, etc, and how could we do this without… talking? Or is it enough for guys just to have a wife or girlfriend who could serve at dinner table and in bed, and nothing else matters?

So until I get the answer about this, I wouldn’t be able to open up and say: “Aaah…. begitu!”

Guys, if you have answers, please let me know!

PS: I know I’m being bitchy here, but I feel itchy!!




  1. Perhaps the reason why these men pick those kind of women (or girls?)was because they believed with the asian upbringing and culture, these women would give ultimate loyalty and obedience, as opposed to the more modern (independent, free-thinking)women in the countries they came from.

    But that was then, not now, as what I’ve read from your posting, these so-called ‘innocent’ women can be just as deceiving!

    Maybe to give a more understanding regarding to your unanswered question, I can refer you to the website I’ve just recently found:

  2. the writer says:

    sadly, there are tons of these kind of women here, both holding indonesian and thailand passports. I am not that surprised though…..

  3. Mrs Top Monkey says:

    Why do bule think all Asian women are submissive and obedient? If only they knew how devious and cunning some of them are. I’ve met some of these CEO-ex KFC couples before and each time I do, I’m just flabbergasted as to why this guy is so dumb and blind. Oh well. It’s his choice. He’ll have to bear with it.

  4. Anita, I have been busy digging your archive heheheh.

    It’s actually sad to see some Indonesian girls do not mind to be treated like whatever, just to get a better living. Of course, there are other ways to climb the economic ladder, but it seems many Indonesians are just tired of being poor.

    From what I understood, it’s very hard to get out of poverty, as the world can be unfair to certain people. Many families have been through some disadvantage lives for generations. It’s just exhausting, and they want to have what other more fortunate ones have: nice clothes, nice house, enough food to eat. One way is to look for men with more money, sometimes expats.

    Those women are actually not as happy as they appear. Many are actually the backbones for their families back home in kampung. Some sent their younger sibling to college, or paid the bill for their parents hospital treatments.

    I agree its weird and puzzling, but sometimes their life problems are more complicated than what we might see.

    I just share my thoughts, as once my field of work involved those women.

  5. Santi: I understand that sometimes life is more complicated than what it seems. But I know a barmaid who started working without being able to utter any English word and now becomes one of the best barmaids the bar has ever had. With the salary, admirers’ gifts, and boyfriend’s support, she has managed to build a house and support her family. I admire her for that. She’s been working all these years almost 20 hours a day, facing angry, rude, sexist, flirty, filthy customers – she’s earned it.

    My question is not about the money. It is about how this couple understand each other since neither can speak each other native language or English.

    My point of view is also from the other side of the story: from the (Caucasian) boyfriends. I don’t understand the type of girls who are floating around the bars trying to catch rich white men not because they are poor, but because they’re too lazy to work their ass off. The girl I mentioned above doesn’t come from poor family, despite her lack of English. I have seen many of them in Jakarta: they have descent jobs which support them, but all they want is LV bags, trips to Singapore, and hopefully, passports.

    Being a backbone is one thing – ripping off the boyfriend is another thing. I’ve heard so many stories about my (Caucasian) friends who moaned about being ripped off, asked for money to be sent to ‘kampung’ because dad is sick, mum is sick, aunty is sick, uncle is sick, gran is sick, and so on. They always wonder if the girls truly like them or just use them as cash machines.

  6. Seeing the expat side, probably those expats should try to find girl friends somewhere else, no? It’s well known that many bars in Jakarta are filled with lazy local girls hunting for expats. If someone wants to have serious relationship, bar might not be the best place to look for one. The blame is not entirely on those girls. Most expats are not innocent either.

    santi ds last blog post..Therapy and French Education System


  1. […] thousands dollars-a month house in a first place (for more silly house hunting experience, click here). And this housing allowance, once he gets back to his home country, wouldn’t apply anymore, […]

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