A friend came to me with a sad news: she just broke up with her boyfriend (again). In almost 5 years knowing her, this was the second time her love affair ended abruptly. Everything was smooth sailing for months…. and then… bam! He broke up with her. She was devastated, she cried a lot, kept asking questions (why this, why that, what if), and naturally felt the world is over and she was the most unlucky girl on earth.
I know that heartbroken sucks (remember the song ‘lebih baik sakit gigi daripada sakit hati’? I guess it’s correct. You could numb the pain on your teeth by taking a painkiller tablet, but how can you mend a broken heart?). I guess everybody has felt it, at least once. And everyone has their own way of dealing with it. A friend of mine closed his heart for almost 10 years after broke up with his girlfriend (only last year I’ve got a text from him, saying that he’s dating someone, thank God for that!). This girl I was talking about is being needy and clingy, she would phone me up every 10 minutes. Another guy friend suddenly bought self-help books and watched ‘girly programs’ such as Oprah shows (to understand girl’s way of thinking, I guess?). Some would go mad-shopping (that’s me, haha!) or drink excessively. Others might pour their feeling into their writings, melodies, or drawings (hence, for example, an album titled “Songs about Jane” by Maroon 5)
One thing that remains the same, is, that time, we feel that we are the most miserable people in the world. It’s easy to feel that, because being dumped means our dignity and trust were taken away. Actually we are not that unlucky! But some people always choose to see that the glass is half empty. It seems that they “enjoy” the feeling. What I mean here is they keep feeling sad and bitter, keep thinking about the past, keep wondering if they did it differently – would they still be together, keep feeling that the world has treated them unfairly, keep being angry towards the person who’d left them.
But surely the wound will finally heal. People have amazing abilities to survive in most difficult situation. It’s a matter of time before we realize that life is not that bad, that there is so much more to see and feel, that there is something bigger and better awaiting in front of us, that everything has happened for a reason.
I personally have been through a lot in the past 5 years. I have had experienced things that most of my friends have never been going through (yet). I found love and lost it, I went through a devastating and humiliating process of separation from the man I had been with for almost 10 years, I lost my ability to trust someone (because after 10 years, I just realize that we never know what’s in people’s head!), I lost my trust in society, in friendships, in love, in men, in marriage. I lost my friends, my dignity and my identity during that time. I had been victimised, accused, judged, I had been the juicy gossip topic in office, family gathering, and society in general. I didn’t know who I was, what I wanted, where this was going, and why the hell it happened to me! And then I found what I thought was love and got kicked in the nuts. Again. My wounds were not healed and suddenly it was bleeding again!
It was the darkest period and the lowest point of my life. But hey, I’ve survived! After all the whole turbulence and craziness, everything comes to an end, and I saw light. It was hard to start again. It’s easier to feel depressed, unwanted and unlucky. It’s difficult to push ourselves to see the brighter side of the world.
But if I could do this and could survive, so can she. So can you. What we might need is a closure (draw his face on a piece of paper and throw it away, for instance. I could think of 100 ways which are more vicious though), a kick on the butt from yourself, friends and family to wake you up, and you could start over again.
I have started again, and I’ve found everything that I lost before. Amazing boyfriend, incredible friends, great family, everything that I thought I wouldn’t be able to have again.
So come on. Kick yourself on the butt. And move on. Because honestly, life is not bad. Not bad at all!