This guy turned up when I was sipping my usual caramel macchiato with my colleague in the afternoon break. He spotted us and we asked him to join our delightful conversation, and soon enough I found myself absorbing all of every word he said.
We were talking about the essence of life (with capital L, I might say). First, life is a journey to a perfection, with some test provided in front of us every time. If we pass then we become more perfect and are closer to the absolute (when we reach the absolute, it is time to continue to a different journey, and in our case, “after life”, “rebirth”, “reincarnated”, “death”, depends on what we believe). The easy example is like, if I was a smoker, when quitting the habit, I was going to be put around other smokers, or in the situation where I must smoke, or in the circumstances where it is easy to reach one. Or if I was a short-tempered person, I was going to be put in the situation where everything is infuriating. Certainly if we must pass a math test, we would not be given a literature test! So I must overcome my defects to be closer to a perfection. The good thing is, there are clues laying, scattered around for me to reach, as models to be a better person. There would be a friend who would tell me that if I keep smoking I would build a hole in my lung, or there would be a friend who is so easy-going that every time I met him/her I would laugh out loud. It is a matter of my own conscience to realize that I need to “fix” myself or turn a blindeye and think I am fine with this condition.
Second, our life is like a frame with tree of so many options. With conscience we would choose a path, that would lead to another, then another, then another. However, we would not be able to know how big the frame is, and where the limit is. But again, funnily enough, I many times found myself in the situation which I have predicted, or wanted before. More than once I felt that I would stumble upon the rock in front of me and it happened the next second. Or if I want something hard enough, everything goes along with it and I certainly, sooner or later, would be going to that direction. But of course I must put all my body, mind, and soul to do it.
Third, we must learn from the mistakes we have made. Not just normal mistakes, but things that repeating all over again to us. Like if I lost a car today, then found out I have lost a motorbike ten years ago in college, then remember that I lost my bicycle when I was 5. I must understand why this happened. It is not because I forgot to lock the key, or I was unlucky, or it was a destiny. But probably because I was too attached with the thing, the test I was given is ‘how if this thing I loved so much is taken away from me’. That means I have to be more alert, and I really believe that everything happens for a reason. Why today I met this guy and not this girl, there is a reason behind it.
I find myself more comfortable now with life. I find life is funny, it hides many surprises and tricks, and when I can recover it, I find a great reward or humour in it. I mean who would’ve thought I would be single again after being with the same guy for almost 10 years? I would have, actually. All signs have led me to a big clue that I could not be with him forever, but I find it very funny, when after announcing it to everyone, all stories flooded to my ears that some relationships that I thought the perfect example marriage, are actually not. But of course, I have chosen a different path from them. Most of people I know choose to stay in their marriage for many reasons (and I would not judge them for that). But it’s like opening a book with a cute colour on the cover and found it turned out to be a serious fiction.
Therefore I would not take everything seriously again. In fact I would enjoy every moment I live in, the journey itself, because I know I would enjoy a funny trick life would present before me, no matter harsh it would be. I would enjoy my work because I love doing it, I love bossing around (haha!), I love the tense moment when deadline is coming and I have got 10,000 problems to be solved before dawn, but if I didn’t reach my own target, hey, what’s the harm, it’s just a job, not a LIFE. I would enjoy having fine things, but if I can’t afford a Louis Vuitton bag, then it is okay, it would not make people disrespect me. I would enjoy having a good body like Britney Spears, but if I can’t shed few pounds I would not be depressed.
This is my shifted paradigm. For someone who thought that life is only one path to take and nothing else, for someone who thought that everything must run perfectly on her way or else, for someone who thought that it is a must to be perfect, just to find out that her own defects make her life is much more interesting, well…
I love life!