Yap yap, the term is taken from, where else!, The Between Boyfriends Book. I find the book constantly amuses me with its witty, cheeky, sensational terms. Originally it is called Premature ‘We’jaculation: “A common dating dysfunction occurring when one member of a couple starts using the ‘we’ before the other is ready.” But actually, this is not the story about a couple. It is a story about the people surround a couple, after both of them agree to be the part of a twosome. Something after ‘we’jaculation. Or the opposite of premature.
When both lovebirds are on board with the ‘we’ thing, they still need people’s recognition about their relationship. And the thing that can utterly hit you on the stomach is when your partner’s friends forget that he/she is not single anymore. For example, my boyfriend’s got the invitation to a wedding, and the bride forgets to include my name on the list. Of course my boyfriend, being the ‘we-friendly’ type, assumed that the invitation is for both of us. I, on the other hand, was not amused. It’s like an offhand remark that we’re not a couple. I mean, although we are a couple, my name is still Anita and I’m still a totally different person. We are not two becomes one. Consider how grateful I was, when Grace sent me her wedding invitation with his name came first before mine! Of course Grace doesn’t know my boyfriend, but she respects him as my boyfriend, hence, she recognises the importance of ‘we’-establishment.
Oh okay, my male friends said that I am overreacted. But I believe it’s not only about being recognised as somebody’s partner, but also to have an understanding, that to a certain degree, his friends are your friends as well. And when it doesn’t happen, of course it’s upsetting. It makes me wonder, is it jealousy, is it laziness, is it ignorance? And it works both ways! Put the guy in the same situation, especially with his girlfriend’s male friends, and you can see invisible battlefield opens up and swords are swinging across the room.
A few days ago I heard that an old friend is getting married, and I told my boyfriend that the wedding is in Bali. Naturally he asked whether he’s invited or not. And I, nonchalantly said, “Why of course darling, we are invited.”
Let’s see his reaction when it’s my only name that appears on the wedding invitation……