Spouses’ Privacy Setting

At that particular beautiful morning, I was sipping coffee and going through the newsfeed on my facebook. Luckily I didn’t spill my coffee after reading a friend’s and her husband’s statuses. They just celebrated their anniversary, and felt it was necessary to share it to the world.

I don’t mind all that, because overshare and over-expose whatever happens in everybody’s life seems to be ‘normal’ nowadays. I somehow know about what my friends are up to rather than where I could find my own mother today, simply by checking their statuses. I know that a friend has just cooked rendang for her dinner, that another’s son’s first tooth has just emerged, that another is having a bad day because her haircut turned out to be a nightmare, that another is off for a holiday (somewhere exotic) and forgets to pack her pink Prada bikinis, and another suffers from PMS and her menstruation period is due now, and so son.

But even for me, there is a limit between over-share and “over-the-edge” share. Taking picture of birthday/anniversary cards, diamonds, Louboutins, flowers, or cakes, to show it off to the world that our spouse really loves us and “here, look, I’ve got the biggest/best/most expensive present ever”, is one thing, but if I also have to read poems dedicated to each other that fill up the entire screen on my iphone – twice! – well, it’s rather annoying. I understand these friends are overjoyed they have finally reached a year or ten years of happy marriage, but if my husband decides to send a poem through the ‘free’ facebook rather than giving me a card with his own handwriting, I’ll let him sleep on the sofa. First, because whatever he is trying to express is meant for me and me only, second, for being cheap, and third, for being so lazy.

It’s not just the double, triple TMI (too much information) that bothers me. I really don’t understand if a couple – a married or live-in together couple – decides to communicate over facebook. I mean, don’t they actually talk at home? Don’t they phone or sending texts to each other? These people have the advantage of having no boundaries at all in between them, hell, they can talk to each other naked if they want to, yet they create a ‘wall’ between them to communicate.

Why do they feel it is necessary to talk to their spouses when they are actually right next to them?

It’s not oversharing, it’s airing their own dirty laundry.

Sometimes, one puts her or his status on, and their spouse will leave comment(s). Once, twice, especially when it’s funny, is alright. But then it becomes a conversation between them two, which always makes me want to scream in their ears: Dude, pick up the phone and call your wife!

Brandon Griggs lists down 12 most annoying facebookers, and I actually can tolerate almost all – except the TMIer. Well, I can tolerate some TMIer, but not those who turn facebook wall into a chatting arena between them and their spouses (that’s the message function is for), or those who think it is important to show how much love s/he has with her/his spouse. Yes, we understand you’re in love. We’re happy for you, really. But if you start talking dirty and seem to ready to tear each other’s clothes off in facebook, or schedule when you’re going to have sex, we’d rather not know about it.

The driving force behind the success of Facebook is vanity. People love the idea that others are watching what they’re doing. But if you don’t walk around naked, don’t talk like you are. Have some privacy.
Or do it on twitter.


  1. well said!
    mindy recently posted…Current Issue from BruckmhlMy Profile

  2. You know Nit… there’s one extremely simple button that saves you from the hassle of reading about all of those people’s TMI… it’s the HIDE button! 😀

  3. But I want to share it to the world, so they know about it lol.

    I just simply HIDE if I don’t want to read it
    ecky recently posted…I miss you all heapsMy Profile

  4. Though I am too old and too square to seriously participate in the new social media, I hear and read some rumours. Especially since the film “The Social Network” was launched.

    So I guess you’re right – don’t put pictures of your bare bottom on Facebook before you’ve tried how it feels sitting naked publicly in the middle the of city’s main square.

    On the other hand… you would oblige me by telling where to look for the people you refer to who are “ready to tear each other’s clothes off in facebook” :).

    • Colson: It’s not that I want to enjoy the pervy show myself. It’s the code of ethics, you don’t reveal the source of your errr… inspiration! But I can tell you that this post triggers a lot of comments, which were directly sent to my inbox. Apparently I’m not the only one who feels bothered by this too much PDA.

  5. I agree with you, that’s the reason why I visit my FB page. I always update via Twitter.

  6. Mila Couch says:

    Yep, I have some friends who aired exactly what they are having, feeling and doing 24/7. People become more and more attention seekers these days.

    • Mila: Honestly I don’t mind those who look for attention from others. At least they interact with their followers or readers. But when the communication shrinks down to between just two, especially when the topic is private, I think it’s time to move it from public room.

      Because when they don’t, it’s like having sex with the window open, hoping neighbours watching. It’s not cool!

  7. Can’t agree more Nit…and I think people use facebook lots to express every thing in their life. I am sometimes scared will fall into that pattern as well:(
    ria recently posted…SATC 2My Profile

  8. Interesting post and interesting discussion. I enjoy taking part in facebook conversations but I agree there are some things I just don’t want to know! Though admittedly I have used Facebook wall (to keep in touch with my husband when he is away especially when I have no ability to use the phone or cell phone to communicate – which is just silly) – but promise nothing that an under 18 couldn’t read!
    Kerry-ann recently posted…Keeping sane in Santiago- Chile airportMy Profile

  9. Actually I would love to read real life intimate conversations( or even better hear and see them on YouTube) between Hims and Hers. Just imagine Martha and George ( the leading characters in “Who’s afraid of Virginai Woolf”- the play or the film) being your very posh friends going all out.. Delicious:)

  10. True! It’s amazing how people are now so open, even air things when they are constipated! Including myself! Maybe writing a poem for the spouse is to show that s/he is openly still in love with them?
    parvita recently posted…You Are What You Eat and doMy Profile

    • Parvita: I believe there’s ulterior motives from these people when they show they’re lovey-dovey. Like in one occasion I actually know that the couple just had a big fight and the bloke screamed at her, threatening to divorce her. This happened at a wedding party, in front of people. The week after they suddenly posted lots of ‘love’ messages to each other on facebook…


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