The Sex Bloggers And Being Anonymous

Sometimes I am so gullible and oblivious. I thought every blogger is just like me, who writes about IT, or making money online, or writes about their daft, boring daily activities, or about cooking, or kids, or fashion. Or politics. I didn’t realise there are bloggers who write about sex.

That until last night I watched a program called Sex in The Noughties: The Sex Blog Girls. The program was aired in 2007 but was re-aired again. I watched it when it was about to finish, but I picked up one blogger who blogs about – what else – sex, anonymously. The blog, Girl With A One-Track Mind, is written by a girl under a pseudonym, Abby Lee, who worked in the film industry, lived in London and got laid a hell of a lot. It  started at the beginning of 2004, where there were only 20 million bloggers around the world (compares to now, which is 112 millions). After 6 months, people were googling for it at a rate that was measurable by the minute. The blog get 250,000 readers a month, won Best British or Irish Blog at the 2006 Bloggies, was published as a book with the same title, Girl With A One-Track Mind.

Several weeks a go I found out that the show Secret Diary of A Call Girl series, a British TV drama starring Billie Piper, aired by ITV2, is actually based on the blog called Belle De Jour: Diary of London Call Girl. I hardly watch British TV shows, so even though the show has been aired for quite sometime now, I wasn’t paying attention too much. The blog itself started in 2003, and is meant to be a diary of a high-class prostitute living and working in London. Soon it was being mentioned by others on the web and it came to the attention of the print media. In December 2003 a newspaper [The Guardian] awarded Belle the first prize in its annual competition for the best-written blog.

Abby Lee enjoyed her anonymity before The Sunday Times revealed her true identity 2 years a go, just 3 days after the publication of her book. Now everbody knows her real name, and as she said:

It might have been more than two years since I lost my anonymity but I still get a little thrown when someone I’ve never met before greets me by saying, “Oh I know who you are, I’ve been reading your blog from the early days,” and then mentions a memorable post from way back that they particularly enjoyed reading. Knowing the exact post they reference, I then blush and mumble and revert to a default position of shyness whilst attempting to change the subject onto something that doesn’t involve me, someone else’s fingers, or my very wet knickers.

On the interview Abby said that she thought she could have her blog published and maintain her anonymity at the same time.

I guess I was lulled into a false sense of security regarding my anonymity because I knew that Belle de Jour was hounded by the press, and still managed to keep her identity private. Whilst I may have a high-traffic blog, and a book detailing my sexual adventures in the shops, I’m not a prostitute like her, so why, I figured, would anyone really be interested in whom I am?

But life is not that bad for Abby Lee. After her book deal (rumoured to be six-figures), she is now busy attending conferences and being interviewed by media.

Belle, on the other hand, has sparked speculation in the media as to her real identity. Whether Belle really was a call girl, and whether her diary entries are based on fact or are entirely fictitious. Times Online has published at least 5 articles about Belle and her somewhat ‘true’ identity. Belle, however maintains that she is who she is. Now she is a regular columnist in The Sunday Telegraph, maintaining her anonymity (I wonder how it works, though, even though she could keep a distance with the newspaper by communicating everything online, she still has to get her cheque under her real name, right?). With that TV show under her belt now, she must be the queen of sex blogger.

Another blogger mentioned by the Sex in The Noughties: The Sex Blog Girls show was Bitchy Jones, who maintains a blog called Bitchy Jones’s Diary. She is, as she said in her blog, is a sexually dominant, and want to be a boss in bed. She, however, doesn’t do dominatrix for money. She talked about the interview and her choice to be anonymous in one of her posts:

I’m anonymous because it’s easier for me to be real that way. It easier to tell the truth in the dark. But I’d hate to think I was fooling anyone or making them think I was ashamed of what I am. And some days I think it’s political. That anonymous female sex blogging challenges ideas about women and sex and media on a quite basic level. That a woman – normally – is not allowed to have opinions about sex without revealing her body. Without making her body commercially available. (Like Abby Lee – quite clearly – was forced by the media to be a body.) It’s challenging all on it’s own to be a bodiless sexual mind rather than a mindless sexual body.

Just like what I posted here and here, I said that I don’t really care whether the blogger is anonymous or not. Being a responsible one is more important. I don’t respect vicious attacks without justification that seem aimed at shredding a person’s reputation. It doesn’t matter whether we write about IT, or making money online, or write about daft, boring daily activities, or about cooking, or kids, or fashion. Or politics. Or sex…

PS: do you notice that the image in ITV2’s Secret Diary of A Call Girl website is similar to my blog header?


  1. I’m pretty sure Therry didn’t mean that to happen, although they are rather similar.
    As long as you’re a nobody, being an anonymous should be safe enough. Once the media sniffs that you’d become a somebody -book deal, movie, etc- they’d dig your garbage like a starving mad dog and would bound to find your dirt.

    Dinys last blog post..Door-to-door Religion

  2. Diny: of course Therry didn’t mean that, the graphic was my idea :). So it’s me with dirty mind, LOL. Yeah I still don’t understand the need to put face (or body, as Bitchy Jones said) into the book or blog. I somewhat understand if they discuss sensitive issue like politics and religions because people need t understand the background of the author in order to understand more about the post. But about sex? Why do we need to know them unless to have more, clearer, imagination about what they have been doing!

    Finally Wokens last blog post..The Sex Bloggers And Being Anonymous

  3. Wow, I never realised how similar those headers look. I’ve only known Secret Diary of a Call Girl through it’s TV series and I haven’t visited the blog yet.

    But I still think mine’s better LOL 😛

  4. Therry: of course yours is better! It leaves so much to people’s imagination, is there, is it not there…is it innocent, is it dirty…
    Whilst Secret Diary of A Call Girl, well, based on the title people already assume what the see on the image, not fun:P

  5. LOL yeah AND she’s holding a book not a laptop 😉 -in self-justification mode-

  6. Am with you Anita, I don’t care whether the blogger is anonymous or someone with the name. In the world of weirdo internet, still all is anonymous with me, until I met them person in person, the anonymous become someone.

    Oh by the way Anita, Therry can’t do the sketch like that if Pornography law sign by the government (what a scary part, since am the fan of hers).

    So you’re lucky to have Therry’s sketch (anyway, you’re not in Indonesia, and the law can’t catch you, that’s a good point).

    tere616s last blog post.."Lost in Translation" .. a book

  7. Tere: what do you mean, that her sketch is pornographic? I think there will be a long debate about what constitutes porn first…

  8. i thought the image Therry made for your blog header is awesome…… any story behind the header? 😉 such as nudity and blog? hahaha…..
    p.s. sometimes i blog naked :) i am alone in the house, being naked all day is one of my childhood dreams, hahaha…

    mers last blog post..Ode to Clutter

  9. I prefer to know the background of my blogger friends, so I understand what’s behind their writing. Although I don’t forbid myself to have ones with pseudonames.

    santi ds last blog post..Picture of Me … Ages Ago

  10. I used to read Belle’s a lot and i think she came to comment a few times. you should check the series, it’s pretty good – i just finished season 1.

    being anonymous does have its advantages, makes it easier to share things.

    have a good day 😀

    treespotters last blog post..on a Weekend Breeze

  11. I know quite a few people who have ‘anonymous’ blogs for reasons like talking about their sex life, bitching about co-workers or any number of other things. I think we’d probably all be shocked to see what some people we know get up to online that we don’t know about.

    My blog is totally open but if I felt a need to write about sex, I’d definitely be doing it under another name too :)

    Breigh (Canadutch)s last blog post..Bedroom Reno Part 6 – Completed: Before and After

  12. Mer: oh you’re naughty, what do your students think if they find out about this 😛
    Santi: indeed but sex bloggers blog anonymously for a very obvious reason, right?
    Tree: you? and Belle?
    Breigh: I don’t think nowadays it’s as easy as it used to be to hide your ID behind pseudonym. Belle is lucky, but from other cases, sooner or later people will find out their real names. And then what, after that?…

  13. Wow, this is a great article! Good job.

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  16. Staying anonymous is very challenging, so make sure to take every possible precaution. The smartest thing is probably to avoid writing anything that would damage you too much, if linked to your real identity.

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