To Wed or Not To Wed…. (deleted)

Only a day after I wrote this, I’ve got a “constructive perspective” from two important people in my life. They suggested that what I wrote here was too personal and it might hurt somebody, although that wasn’t my intention at all!

So I decided to delete the article from public.

Hopefully this isn’t too late………………………………..

I‘ve just finished an annoying conversation with an old friend. She said that she’s glad she’s getting married in the next few months, because:

  • she’s old (she is only 31!)
  • it’s time to settle down
  • it’s time to have babies before she’s too old

If that’s the only reason she’s getting married, I’m very worried! I asked her whether she wants to have a baby, and she said she has no choice because her husband-to-be and her future mom-in-law really want someone to carry on their bloodline.

I can’t believe that the answer came from someone who’s spent her almost entire life abroad, has a Master’s degree, think Sex And The City series is her bible, smart, modern, gorgeous and stylish! If she said that she’s getting married because she loves her boyfriend and wants to spend the rest of her life with him, I’d stand up and clap my hands. But her reason is everything but that. It’s not about her. It’s about everybody else: her boyfriend, her parents, his parents, society…

Maybe because we’re girls, we’re trained to serve, to put everyone’s happiness before us. Maybe because we’re Asian, we value society so highly we’d sacrifice our identity just for the sake of it. So we try so hard to fit into the box: Women should marry, serve their husbands, and raise their kids. Anything else but that is considered a failure.

Girl, if you want it, go for it. Reach your dreams. But never say you have no choice. This is your life, it’s your body. You’re the one who determines who’d be lucky enough to spend the rest of his life with you. You’re the one who determines when you want to have babies, not your mother-in-law. You’re the one who determines that you are OLD, not society.

It’s you, it’s about you, it’s for you.

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