Yesteryear Revisit (Age That I Wish To Get Back To)

I once tagged about this by Fida, asking what age I wish to get back to, and I have briefly mentioned about it in this post because at that moment people from the past suddenly reappeared in my life at the same time, a long overdue project was back in full speed, and of course, Indy was back after 19 years hiatus.

But then Woelank and Ecky also tagged me recently, and this time, I let myself think a bit harder, and I realised there is one particular moment in my life I wish I could get back to, not because it was full of loving memories, but because of that I had to bear a consequence for a long time, and if I could turn back the time, I’d certainly do the other way around.

I was probably 23 or 24 and letting the society and a guy who claimed a title ‘the boyfriend’ to dictate what’s best for me. Mum has asked if this was what I wanted, what I really, really wanted. But the pressure from every corner made me feel like there was a huge stone pressuring my chest, and I surrendered. I thought I was doing my best to keep everyone happy. I thought I was doing what people were supposed to do after being in a monogamous relationship for 5 years. From where I stood, there was no way out. When the time came, and I was faced with a piece of paper that would change my life forever, I paused. But the whole room was watching, so I gave in. I became the other-half.

Since the beginning I realised this was a mistake. We had nothing in common except our interest in architecture. But aside from it, I was a prisoner in my own body. I tried to fit in, adjust, adapt, even change myself, just to make this thing worked. But then I got tired. Especially when all these efforts weren’t enough. Especially because I wasn’t being myself. I had all possibilities in front of me, I was ready to run to achieve my goals, I was drunk with work responsibilities, all theories applied in real life and I couldn’t get enough of it. But he wasn’t ready. He couldn’t accept that my life wasn’t merely about him. That life, in fact, is full of compromises. Insecurity turned to more rules, more don’ts. I was in a difficult place. I was suffocated.

So I decided to quit. I have tried. I failed. And I have to admit that I couldn’t fix it. Moreover, I couldn’t fix him. I couldn’t say I have wasted 10 long years. We had some good times but more bad times. In the end, people change, priorities shift, and once in a while I have to admit that I am not perfect.

I regret that we end this badly. I was hurt, he was devastated. It was a long battle, a tough struggle. But I have got what I wanted since years a go. I have got my freedom back. My life, literally, begins only 5 years a go.

So if I could turn back the time, I want to go back to the age of 18, and to be as free as bird, rather than stick to one man. Or when I was 23, and had more courage to say no.

But if I could have one wish, I wish I meet my dear hubbie much much earlier, not four years a go. We would have so much fun and drive each other crazy!

There it is. I’ve done my part, now it’s time to pass this ‘assignment’ to another 5 bloggers and this time the victims are: Diny, Katadia, Andie, Ivy, and Rishardana.

The rules are:
Title: Age That I Wish To Go Back To# Requirement: Write about the one age that you wish to go back to and why?
Tag Mode: 5 bloggers
1st – You list 5 bloggers you want to tag and link their blogs
2nd – Let the blogger you want to tag know they been tagged by comment in their blog or etc.

Comments

  1. Nit, it takes courage to do what u do. I once almost ended my marriage too coz we have more quarrels than happiness but i guess i can say i’m lucky i didn’t coz my hubby has changed so much over the past 2 years. But I do admire u still for your courage and to go for what you believe in. Some people just succumb to the situation.

    Anyway, I already made a blog about this when i was tagged by Therry lol so I don’t think I’m going to write another entry

  2. Rishardana says:

    Hi Mbak, thank you for the tag :)

    And also thanks for sharing with us about those testing moments in your life. I’ve always in the opinion that what can’t kill us, only make us stronger. And reading about your story shows that it is in fact true.

    I think when we look back at those past moments we’ll be able to appreciate more about our ‘here and now’.

    Mbak Anita, I’m wondering is this the origin the name ‘Finally Woken’ came from?

  3. Katadia says:

    Dearest Anita
    Thank you for the tag, but I made the entry a while ago after being tagged by Rima :) (then I tagged Ivy too).

    Thank you for sharing this special post with us. It’s special to me because I personally know women who just gave in to what the society wants and ended up leading an unhappy married, or worse an unfulfilled life,constantly reminding themselves ‘what if’ but never had the courage to walk out.

    All the best Anita. :)

  4. Fida Abbott says:

    Hi Anita, thanks for the respon of my tag.

    Have great holiday in Indonesia.

  5. accordingtod says:

    oh shoot me… i was tagged by rima for this one. i haven’t done it. now you tagged me, must i delay? fear not, my friend… as my brain is now panicking to pick which age i shall write upon. but i shall fulfill my dues, both to you and rima too.

    he he…

    btw, thanks for the tag. i’ll try to post mine soon.

  6. Finally Woken says:

    @Ivy: I find it always amazing when we open up and realise that there are people who could relate to our stories. I didn’t know if you call this courage, my ex probably called it selfishness, it depends where we stand and how we see it :)

    @Rish: thanks and see what you could come up with this tag. Ehmm, Finally Woken idea? I guess you’re right!

    @Katadia: sometimes I wonder, when I was about to leave, it seemed the whole world was judging me as a bad person. But now I get praised for my choice. Interesting.

    @Fida: thank you. Hope you enjoy your summer holiday.

    @D: I will shoot you if you don’t do this soon hehehe…

  7. Andie Summerkiss says:

    Hey sorry for not keeping in touch, things were really crazy last weekend ..

    Gotta go now, will come back later to leave proper comment πŸ˜€

    Thanks for the tag … !

    Andiesummerkiss.com

  8. You’ve made the right decision, babe. If you insisted on staying in the relationship, both of you would end up feeling unhappy, because men generally wants to make their women happy.

    If their women are happy, they are happy too. Am I making any sense?

    Well that’s how my beau thinks anyway lol

  9. woelank says:

    hmmm…
    I wish I don’t have to had the same mistake like you did Nit…
    Maybe that’s why I a little nbit picky about finding a spouse…
    πŸ˜›

    Any single friend Nit?
    πŸ˜€

  10. Finally Woken says:

    @Andie: my pleasure, dear.

    @Therry: absolutely, men were born to make us girls happy LOL.

    @Woelank: ehm, you don’t know what the future might hold for you, no matter how careful you’ve planned it. Just go on and enjoy your life. A mistake will just make us stronger. Single friends, a lot. Want me to set them up with you?

  11. asankalocita says:

    Hi Mbak..i was just blog walking and find this such interest story in your post :)

    To tell you the truth, i am now facing the same as you were few years ago, i had been thrown to the ground realizing that I’ve been struggling for my 5 years relationship because the society asks me to..i am not being myself, and i was looking for justifications that i was doing what people say it’s right. Now i found my courage back, to say no and let the soul find its happiness. Our journey has just come to its end, and not to surprised that i feel an excitement having another path in my journey of life. Hopefully this heart will finally find its half part soonest :)

    Have a good day Mbak, nice blogs for sure!

  12. many thanks for sharing this, Anita. i admire your courage, not only in telling in these stories, but also in doing what you did. i guess now i finally understand what’s inscribed in the phrase ‘finally woken’… is that something to do with the story?

  13. it’s his (your ex) loss, Anita – you are gorgeous! Best of luck with your new life :)

  14. Rishardana says:

    Hi Mbak,

    Welcome back to blogosphere :)
    I trust you had a fun summer vacation and also congratulation on the wedding reception.

    I have written a piece from this tag in here :)
    Thank you.

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